For everyone, even if you don’t have a cell phone yet (Just wait for your mom to buy you one, I’m sure if you keep begging you’ll get it). (This should be printed and kept in your car, purse, wallet, house, hidden in a secret compartment in your room, put in a time capsule, and painted on your house. If you do not do this you will probably die eventually.
*(EDITORS NOTE: My Grandpa didn’t do all this and, lo and behold, he died just a week ago!)There are a few things that can be done in times of grave emergencies, or just to screw around with your friends.Your mobile phone can actually be a life saver or an emergency tool for survival; it can even be a perfect weapon! Check out the things you can do with it:
FIRST Talking
Most phones have a 3x4 row of numbers and symbols on them. Different combinations of these numbers will start to emit a strange beeping noise, and, with some luck, make a magic voice come out of the phone. Sometimes the magic voice is angry, but most of the time it is a great way to relax. It’s better than real conversation, because the person isn’t there, so you can make funny faces and act like you are the person on the other side of the phone.
(EDITORS NOTE: Yep, I tried pressing some numbers and a voice came on eventually. Haven’t tried writing down any numbers, but I might get to that eventually.
SECOND Have you wanted to know what your friends are thinking?
Do your friends and people around always frustrate you because you never know what’s going on inside their head? Well, some phones now come with a feature that can solve this little dilemma. If you own a cell phone, make sure that you know your friend’s number. Now, while holding, star, asterisk, and the talk button, dial your friends number. But before your friend picks up, you have to press #91#*. Then, if all went well, you should be dialed right in to your friends stream of consciousness. Most people don’t notice a difference from an actual cell phone conversation, but this can be a fun way to get into a friends head. Not only can you hear their thoughts, but you can put in your own thoughts! Try making some spooky ghost noises, or convincing the person that they should give you lots of money.
(EDITORS NOTE: I’ve had some trouble with this one, but usually it works. I found these really great magic mind reading crystals off this site: www.crystal-cure.com, that really improved my chances of success. I can afford these now, since that nice Nigerian Prince man offered me a lot of money.)
THIRD Hidden Power
When you’re feeling really low, some cell phones now have an ability to supercharge you. To activate, press *33738. You will feel a sudden burst of amazing power! Some people have reported the ability to fly, others can shoot laser vision, and some people were able to talk to fish. Just remember, like my old gramps used to say: with great power comes great responsibility.
(EDITORS NOTE: Can’t write, too busy flying over neighbors yards and peeking into their houses. Scares the living daylights right out of the kids.)
FOURTH How to disable a thief who stole your mobile phone?
Believe it or not, most cell phones come with a pre-installed plastic explosive charge inside them. First, you have to find the activation code. Dial *#06, and write down the activation phrase. Mine was “Manhattan”. Make sure to keep that code somewhere safe, like where you used to keep your cell phone. Then, once your cell phone gets taken, simply dial in the activation phrase, and the phone will explode, usually taking out a hefty chunk of thief with it. While this is TYPICALLY lethal, it also makes a fun practical joke you can play on your friends. Just set the phone down next to a friend, and call it until he answers it. Then, send the activation, and BOOM! Surprise! They’ll get a kick out of it every time.
(EDITORS NOTE: Okay…So...Some friends just can’t take a joke as well as others...Hehe, sorry guys! No hard feelings!)
FIFTH Free Money! Chuck Norris Appears!
If you’re like me, you’re always looking for a way to make some easy money! Well, now you can! Just dial a special number, $$$, and Chuck Norris jumps out of the nearest helicopter and hands you a fat wad of cash before jumping off to a different continent. He appreciates it if you don’t talk to him. The money is yours! Buy another phone! Buy a friend! Buy some happiness!
(EDITORS NOTE: Happiness is non-refundable)
